Georgia R Knight

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Lifestyle

A Lot Has Changed…

January 10, 2019

The end of a relationship, a new job, a different home, new friends and a variety of curveballs that life has thrown me over the past few months.

So I take myself back a year and remember who I was. Carefree, a positive thinker and a ‘go with the flow’ kinda gal. I realise at some point along the line during this last year, I lost that attitude. The part of me that not only I loved but others did too. I told myself I didn’t know why it happened but I know exactly why it did. The truth is I just didn’t want to accept the reasoning because it was my fault. I allowed myself to be influenced by others and influenced by negativity. The mental block I had put place to stop those negative thoughts creeping in had suddenly disappeared. I was in complete denial about why I had allowed myself to fall into a pit of despair. A ‘woe is me’ character, something I’ve always hated. That person is not me and then recently I found myself looking at a computer full of unpublished notes, thoughts and feelings. I got so caught up with what I thought I wanted I actually forgot my worth. I cast aside the self-care routines I had. The writing, the meditation, the yoga and all the things in between that I did to deal with life just suddenly ceased. Everything I loved doing all those months ago and I stopped. I stopped because I became dependant on other people. My own happiness was disrupted because I was relying on others to help me be happy when I didn’t need too. The time I had spent on myself becoming that resilient person, building the concrete ledge in which I firmly stood had suddenly crumbled beneath me. 
I was unbalanced. Turning the switch on and off to my emotions simply because I didn’t want to address them. 

It has been awhile since I’ve posted on here for one reason and another but I’ve been hiding from my writing and now I’m finally ready to start again.


I had an element of wanting to argue with those around me but also wanting to love or just feel something because I was numb. It left me feeling lost and confused. I felt anger towards myself and others and I struggled to

forgive. Constantly flitting between pushing people away and pulling them back, simply because my mind couldn’t decide on what was best. I was waking up and going to work and resolving problems for others but ones, and giving sound advice that I couldn’t even take myself. I was drifting into an abyss of self-pity, trying to claw my way out but being so stubborn and ignoring what was best for me. I knew how I should be dealing with it all but I wasn’t dealing with it at all.

Then a bizarre moment occurred. I was told to get back on that train and get back to being myself. Words spoke by a stranger. Someone that didn’t know me but looked me in the eyes and somehow knew that the experiences I had been through had been tough. Without needing to explain to them I was told how strong-willed and resilient I am. That I never give up and I should be proud. Words that I know if I heard from anyone else I would have cast aside. I remember those experiences that I have dwelled on and hated and it has taken me so long to realise they shaped me. They are the exact reasons I am here. Doing the job I love and trying so desperately to be a good and honest person. Being the type of person that I never had in my life and wanting to be that person for others. Standing by my morals and doing the best I can not only for myself but for the people I care about. Because it’s easy being crap. It’s accepting that life can bring hardships and grief and people can be shit to you but you don’t have to mirror that behaviour. We all slip up sometimes and I myself am guilty of neglecting others and taking life for granted. Getting caught up in my own head and forgetting the bigger picture. But ultimately it is taking responsibility when that happens. Apologising, being honest and reaching out, making amends or walking away. Whichever is better.

I remember I’m allowed to feel sadness or betrayal but I shouldn’t cling onto it. That only I can pick myself up, dust myself off and start again and I don’t need anyone else to do it for me. 

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Comments

  1. Ali Hemsley says

    January 11, 2019 at 13:54

    Sending you all the love and belief in the world, I hope 2019 brings you so much happiness and self-discovery.

    You are enough. x x

    Reply
    • Georgia says

      January 11, 2019 at 23:23

      Thank you so much Ali, your kind words mean a lot! Lots of love to you xxxx

      Reply

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Hey, I’m Georgia, a 25-year- old part-time blogger and aspiring novelist based in Sussex.

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Snippets ✂️ Snippets ✂️
April 🐚 Sunsets, chips on the beach, and long w April 🐚 Sunsets, chips on the beach, and long walks with the boy feat my princess Di inspired attire. Pretty much what I wear most days during spring 👍🏼
Little trip to the city ❤️ Little trip to the city ❤️
Spring has sprung🌸 well not officially only two Spring has sprung🌸 well not officially only two days to go until the equinox which means more sunshine, warmer temps and beautiful blooms!
Valentines with my valentine ❤️‍🔥 feat a Valentines with my valentine ❤️‍🔥 feat a fun memory 📷
January✌🏼back to when I didn't have vertigo a January✌🏼back to when I didn't have vertigo and I could run along the beach and eat all the pasta I want 😤
Sacred bath time for some self care me time ✨ I Sacred bath time for some self care me time ✨ I can easily spend a good hour in the tub once I've done a self care ritual or dig deep into a book. I've recently been using the eucalyptus bath salts from the @thenaturalspacosmetics which smell incredible! For a while now I've been using vegan and sustainable products where I can in order to be a little more eco friendly. These little pouches are made from recycled materials and are 100% biodegradable! They are also all natural and fully vegan. Just to prove that you don't need to compromise on your beauty regimes anymore by using sustainable and vegan items. Let's take care of our planet 👍🏼 #gifted @thesocialcat__
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#gifted If you need me I'll be in my bedroom wrapp #gifted If you need me I'll be in my bedroom wrapped up in this fleece lined blanket hoodie living my best life ✌🏼honestly I don't know how I've only just discovered this cosy hoodie from @kudd.ly 🖤  Loungewear is the best wear 🖤 *This is not a paid promotion btw*
Current mood - yummy hot chocolates and fluffy sli Current mood - yummy hot chocolates and fluffy slippers. ☕️
Raise your hand if you love Christmas pjs ❤️🎅🏻 I spent most of yesterday in these as Tom was hit by the dreaded 🦠 so instead of us seeing family and me not wanting to leave him on his Larry, we had a self isolation dinner courtesy of my parents. Not an ideal scenario but like I was reminded yesterday there are definitely worse situations to be in. Still grateful I got to stuff my face and lucky to have my family ❤️ hope you all had a wonderful Christmas🎄
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